How to Have Messy Success

It has been a while since I’ve written. Normally, this sentence would be followed with some words of self-degradation. I’m working on changing habits and doing things differently, and this is what I will be sharing with you today!

The backstory: I’ve been feeling blah…the type of blah you can’t put words to, but that cause you to cry for no reason when you’re in the kitchen putting away dishes and listening to an NPR story about kids winning a spelling bee.

So, because I want to be a millionaire, I called in a friend. She is also a life coach. I texted her first with, “I don’t know what’s wrong, but I need a chat.” She graciously agreed with a call and after about 3 minutes in, she got to the gold:

“Are you feeling isolated?” She asked.

At the time of the call, I was driving to the airport to pick up Matt. With my hands gripping the steering wheel, I silently nodded, ‘yes’…and burst into tears.

Isolation takes on many forms. I’m isolated from my girlfriends. I’m isolated from my girlfriends who look like me. I’m isolated from the glitz, glamour and architectural yumminess that inspires a person like me. I’m isolated from being around that consistent hustle energy that fuels (and exhausts) me. All of this external isolation led me to a realization. I wasn’t really connected to my self at all. And that hurt inside.

I have a habit of telling myself, “It’s fine. I don’t need [fill in the blank]. I can manage.” I tell myself I don’t need cute cafes. I don’t need to be around anyone. I don’t need to dress up; I work from home — and I’m not in LA, NY, Chicago or Prague. I tell myself, “You’re a grown woman; you don’t need any of that stuff.” Before we get prickly about these statements, know that none of this is about knocking Chandler, Arizona my new home. What it is about is acknowledging self, understanding what makes me tick and then, winding that clock.

After the call, I felt so much better. I acknowledged that I DO need that stuff, and more importantly, I actually enjoy it. There is art in fashion. There is connection. There is life. There is creativity. I LOVE creativity! I’ve been denying myself joy because I thought it was a frivolous need. What?? Why??! And, can you relate??

So, while I am still physically isolated from my friends and surroundings I enjoy, there is something I can do to close that gap and get closer to self.

I decided to feed my soul with some fashion. Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube videos on decluttering, fashion and a whole lotta Mel Robbins self-help stuff. I decided to hone in on the joy I receive from the fashion girls.

While I occasionally get quite anxious watching their success and comparing myself to their success, I have to remind myself why I’m really watching — It’s fun and it is a free and easy way to stimulate my brain and feel inspired.

Oh, there’s something else wrapped up in this and that is my Achilles’ heel: success. What does a successful person look like? How does a successful person present themselves? How do I present myself? Welp, if I’m looking shleppy, I’m not feeling good and I’m not feeling successful. (I’ve written about this before and before. Honestly, maybe this theme is cyclical for me. Perhaps it is an indicator that I am in a foreshadow of change, or…?)

YO! Hang on. Epiphany time. Do you see what has just happened? Look:

1. I noticed a pattern. (“I’ve written about this before.”)
2. I took a moment to dissect and understand the trigger for the pattern. (“When and why? One time was in Prague when I was feeling very lost, alone and afraid. <<An emotion. The emotion this time: Not feeling successful. Not having outward inspiration or mirrors of success.” Trigger: I struggle to process emotions.)
3. While writing to you, I discovered my need and emotion. (I need to feel successful to feel good.)
4. I then processed that I needed to take an action. (What can I do to feel successful?)
5. I took action: Shop + Write = Get reconnected to self!!

Holy Bananas. That was something. Take a minute and try this. Is something triggering you? Are you crying for ‘no reason’? Angry without any understanding? Maybe journal about it, write your blog, or write some notes on a napkin….see what you can discover.

Alright. Back to the fun stuff. Yay for FUN! Yesterday, I did a “Thrifting Haul”. If ya don’t know what this is, it’s when the YouTubers go shopping and they bring a bunch of shit home and film themselves. I decided to do just that, because why not?? I filmed myself last night. At the time I was filming, I didn’t know what I know now. Thankfully, I didn’t worry about hair and makeup. I didn’t try to make it pretty and perfect. I just tried to have fun with it and do my best with the skills and time I had, also knowing that I will probably never do this again! Ha! YouTubers do this as a job/career. That is not me! My job is something else << and that right there is another epiphany, my friends! I’m a married writer with two dogs living in the suburbs. I am not a fashion YouTuber with millions of views.

Hey, listen, if you’re suddenly feeling inspired to go work out some of your own emotions, feel free to jump off this blog! Go do you! If you want to hang around for the haul, here you go:

The Thrifting Haul
Location: Call It New, Call It Antique in Mesa, AZ

I didn’t go to the thrift store with the intention to haul; I was there to find one sweater duster I saw a few weeks ago. I’d left it on the rack, but that “Treating the Streets Like a Runway” chick above inspired me to go get it. I also needed to make a visit there to tidy up my vintage booth (i.e. work).

You guys know I love thrifting. I found seven, SEVEN pieces of clothing for $30. All of the items were under $15; plus there was a half-off sale and because I have a booth, I got an additional 10% off!! Wheeeee! And, I found what I found because I’d been inspired by the YouTubers.

Now, if we want to get existential here, let’s zoom out. If you listen to Law of Attraction folks like Deepak Chopra, The Secret and okay, awesome Oprah, you know that we receive what we focus on, right? That shit was in full force yesterday! One fashion style tip I resonated with was that to pull your look together, you can go monochrome with colors; i.e., a camel colored blazer with a nice light-weight camel shirt or sweater can look sweet. I like that. Classy. Timeless. Another style I liked was to bring in a silky skirt with a sweater. So, when I saw a contemporary blue-green silky slip, my brain kicked into action. Initially, I wasn’t going to get it because I have other truly vintage silk slips, BUT when I found a turtleneck in the same deep color a few aisles over, I grabbed it and made an outfit out of it. Focus + Action = Results! (YOOOO! BOOOOM!)

So, it’s Monday, I’m working from home with no outside meetings and one scheduled Zoom. I decided to wear that monochrome look today FOR FUN. Here is how it looked last night when I was filming my haul FOR FUN:

I took video of the other looks, too. While writing the blog, I had trouble uploading the video and decided to upload it to our Her Words His Wine channel, because, Why Not! It doesn’t really belong there, but with a little wording, I made it fit. I now have repurposed content that I can use across my other brand. It’s a little messy, but I guess I’d call that success, wouldn’t you?

If you want to see the other looks, they will make it to IG and YouTube at some point in time. Or not. Ha! This project was unscheduled; I have many other things to do, like get out Her Words His Wine videos, do client work and oooh, write my third book. While I know I need to complete things in order to feel good/feel successful (yet another pattern), I also am aware that if I get overwhelmed by perfection and how much time this fun project takes, I probably will abandon it and won’t complete it! Real talk. For transparency: shopping: 1hour; shooting video: 45 minutes; editing 3 videos (not done): 2 hours; writing/editing this blog: 3 hours. Still have to promote and post.

Alright. That’s it. I hope you feel better. I do.

Love you all. Go have some messy fun!